Realistic Expectations and Divorce

When a relationship ends, how many of us look back and see clearly what we ignored all along? To function in that dysfunctional relationship, we put blinders on, and we willingly kept them on to stay in the relationship. As the relationship ends, we have a priceless opportunity: to become to uniquely willing and determined to live in reality. We have the opportunity to see ourselves, our past and our present, clearly.

The divorce is the first place where we have an opportunity to take off the blinders. The conduct of the divorce will determine the structure of your and your children’s lives for years to come. There are decision-points in every direction: you decide how you want to communicate with your ex; you decide how you want to encourage your children to engage with his or her parent; you decide how much you want to go to bat over child or spousal support, or the division of assets.

In that process, where there are opportunities for setting goals and making decisions at every turn, this is a critical time to take the blinders – of anger, resentment, hurt, fear– off. During the divorce, you are setting the foundation for your and your children’s lives to come. It is important to come to that process with both feet on the ground, with open eyes, and with an honest appraisal of reality.

Although every couple and every family is different, every divorce case involves only five main components: children and your shared parenting arrangement, child support, division of property, spousal support, and attorney’s fees. I will talk about each of these components with an eye towards helping you develop and set realistic expectations and goals during your divorce.